Separation Anxiety
Part of a baby's normal development is learning that separations from parents are not permanent. Young babies do not understand time, so they think a parent who walks out of the room is gone forever. Also, they have not yet developed the concept of object permanence - that a hidden object is still there, it just cannot be seen. Without these concepts, babies can become anxious and fearful when a parent leaves their sight. Separation anxiety is usually at its peak between 10 and 18 months. It typically ends by the time a child is 3 years old.
Babies experiencing separation anxiety fear that a parent will leave and not return. The fear may be worsened in the presence of a stranger. Typical responses of babies experiencing this normal phase of development may include the following:
- Crying when you leave the room
- Clinging or crying, especially in new situations
- Awakening and crying at night after previously sleeping through the night
- Refusal to go to sleep without parent nearby
Children who feel secure are better able to handle separations. Cuddling and comforting your child when you are together can help him/her feel more secure. Other ways to help your child with separations include the following:
- Comfort and reassure your child when he/she is afraid.
- At home, help your baby learn independence by allowing him/her to crawl to other (safe) rooms for a short period of time by himself/herself.
- Tell your baby if you are going to another room and that you will be back, then come back.
- Plan your separations when your baby is rested and fed, rather than before a nap or meal.
- Introduce new people and places gradually, allowing your baby time to get to know a new care provider.
- Do not prolong good-byes and have the sitter distract your baby or child with a toy as you leave.
- Introduce a transitional object such as a blanket or soft toy to help ease separations.
- For night awakenings, comfort and reassure your child by patting and soothing, but avoid letting your child get out of bed.
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Last reviewed: 4/12/2011